My heart is working...

For the past few years I have been concerned that my heart does not work like it is supposed to, like it used to...

I get less emotional about life events, less worried, more "settled". I just don't get upset very easily, and seem to just take things in stride that a few years ago would really ruffle my feathers. I have wondered if I was becoming emotionally blunted. I have not come apart with a child choosing to live half-way around the world. I have met physical challenges with little more than a sense of resignation. But in the last few months, the introspection I have afforded myself has shown me that my heart indeed works just fine, thank you. It is just that I am beginning to realize that my faith has begun to expand, to take the shape I have always wished it would take. I have fewer and fewer doubts that God is in control, and that we were only meant to be here for just a little while...that the future holds so much good, even if not here on earth.

There ARE life issues that I am passionate about and get on my soap box about, and my newly recognized faith is not complete. This morning I cried when I thought about my baby, my last born, graduating and moving to who knows where across the globe. And my unruffled feathers begin to ruffle when I dwell on issues such as how childbirth, breastfeeding, and mothering have been corrupted in this country, and how religious legalism blinds people I love, and pushes away others I adore. Sometimes I just get mad. See, my heart is working...